The Reviews Are In and the Borderlands Movie Sucks–Which Came as a Surprise To Absolutely No One

With fantastic video game adaptations finally becoming realized–like HBO’s brilliant The Last of Us, or even Dreamwork’s “safe” Mario Bros. movie. I expected a renaissance of video game adaptation–and while that may indeed still be coming, movies like Eli Roth’s Borderlands aren't going to help ease this renaissance along.

Borderlands is better known for its looter shooter mechanics. As colorful as its world is, let’s face it: no one really cared. The world of Borderlands is a cel shaded vehicle for co-op run and gun experiences. I’m sure there are fans of the world building who might care, but I never played the Borderlands games for their story, or even the visuals beyond their uniqueness (at the time.) Even with a plethora of colorful characters I’m sure the Gearbox Studios writers want you to love, the reality is that I was only ever really laughing at Borderlands and never really with it.

So to say that I was extremely unimpressed with a potential adaptation would be an understatement.

And let’s look at the director: Eli Roth made his name in horror with films like Cabin in the Woods and Hostel. He’s not exactly the choice I would have made for this movie.

But would it have made a difference?

I didn’t have to see the terrible trailer or even the bevy of reviews absolutely dunking on this film to smell what was cooking up.

 Now, I can totally see how someone who spends their days in a suit would look at Borderlands as an enticing IP. But if there’s a right way to go about making this film, Eli Roth did not take that approach. They even managed to make Tiny Tina soulless and forced. And poor Cate Blanchett keeps getting shoved into ridiculous costumes–and it just doesn’t pay off for her this time.

The rest of the cast is stacked too. It’s hard to believe that they couldn't pull off something entertaining. Even Eli Roth ditched the project when reshoots were required, citing scheduling conflicts with Thanksgiving (2023). Tim Miller came in for directing duties on the reshoots.

So what went wrong? Perhaps it was the studio aiming for a PG-13 rating despite Borderlands being known for its over-the-top action and gore, and Eli Roth being known for his gory horror prowess. It seems like the perfect match-up, but reportedly Borderlands is mostly gore-free. I’m not one to champion gore for the sake of it, but even to me that’s surprising for a Borderlands film. Right?

With a Rotten Tomatoes score sitting around 6% I think that’s a fair guess.